I had a sports minister reach out to me recently asking how to deal with an angry coach. It’s a typical story in the sports ministry world–the coach lost control and yelled and argued with a referee and then yelled some more at the sports minister blaming him for the whole incident. The sports minister setup a meeting to discuss the incident and asked for advice on how to deal with the coach.
Below is my advice. What would you add?
Here are a couple of principles I would advocate when dealing with this coach:
First, embrace conflict as a ministry opportunity. Pray for the meeting. God can move in a mighty way through this situation.
When addressing someone else’s sin, I think it’s good to approach them as a friend rather than a “boss.” Show them that you care for them and you’re not just a rule enforcer.
Acknowledge the dignity and depravity of the person involved. Affirm their strengths but humbly address their sin.
Ask questions. Do your best not to accuse but allow the person the opportunity to confess their own sin. Ask this coach what bothered him so much. Ask him if he thought he handled it well. Ask him if there’s anything he thinks he could have done better.
If he acknowledges his sin, amen. If he has no problem with the way he acted, ask him how he glorified God with his anger and arguing. Gently remind him of 1 Corinthians 10:31. Ask him what sort of example and witness he was to his team and the rest
of the league when in disagreement with the official. Is he comfortable with his behavior being the model? I hope not.
Advocate for him how you would like coaches to handle referees when in disagreement.
In these cases, I find that 99% are the result of an idol of winning. Why does he argue? It’s not for justice and it’s not for fairness.
I have yet to see a coach continue to argue with a ref./sports minister after a game in which his team won.
I have yet to see a coach argue with a referee about a missed call that benefited his team rather than hurting his team. If it was about justice or fairness, than these things would happen regularly. A vast majority of time, coaches argue because the opportunity to win the game has been threatened. Coaches don’t like to admit this but I would be willing to bet that it’s the root cause. Keep that in mind.
Lastly, I would recommend looking through our blog. I’ve written about this topic many times. Check out the Behavioral Issues category.
These resources may help as well:
When is it Right to Argue With Referees?
