Guest post by Jason Miller
We all know how important it is to set goals. You can spend your whole life reading books about how to reach your goals. We’re given so many guidelines on how to set goals. Don’t set them too high, impossible to attain…you’re setting yourself up for failure. Don’t set them too low, needing no effort to accomplish them…you won’t be challenged. So much of what is out there, intending to help us achieve our goals, is failing us. Our world tells us as coaches to just focus on winning the next game. We buy into that because we’re told not to look to far ahead to future games, that it will take our focus off of what needs to be done in just the next game. We believe that is good advice because it seems to make sense. However, what happens if we don’t win that next game?
Our world tells us that we need to look a certain way. Life favors the beautiful…the skinny…the successful…the popular. So, just start out small…try to lose just 5 pounds, then 10 pounds, etc. Before you know it, you’ll have lost those 35 lbs that you wanted to lose, so that you can fit into that dress. Sounds like a great plan, doesn’t it? We buy into that as being a good goal because it seems to make sense. However, what happens if we don’t lose as much weight as we wanted or as fast as we wanted?
Our world tells us that if we have an addiction (drugs, alcohol, pornography, control, etc.) that we need to stop engaging our addictive behavior. So, we are offered all sorts of methods to rid us of our addiction…self-help books, group meetings, hypnosis, psychics, stopping cold-turkey, intervention, etc. We buy into all of this because deep down inside, we don’t want to continue in our addiction. We have allowed this to take complete control over our lives and we want out. Having a goal of “not doing that which I’m addicted to” seems like a good goal because it seems to make sense. However, what happens if none of these methods work?
We’re told that we need to “get people saved”. We’re constantly asked about how many people came to Christ…how many people made a ‘decision’? So, we work endlessly at “telling” people about Christ and how they need to be saved. We carry the weight of their sin on our shoulders. We shoulder the burden that they may go to hell. We continue in this manner believing that we can save people, hoping to reach our goal of getting someone saved, because it seems to make sense.
Winning is a great thing to want. We all want to win. Nobody enjoys losing. However, when we make winning our goal, what happens when we don’t win? We get frustrated because we didn’t get what we want. We feel discouraged because we aren’t reaching our goal. We begin to think of ways to win. We forget about the people involved and we concern ourselves with getting what we want. We begin to puke our frustrations all over our team. We start to yell at them and shake our head in disappointment when they ‘mess up’. How dare they not do what I tell them…don’t they know I am trying to win! We then begin to yell at referees and fellow coaches, thus teaching our team that it is ok to undermine authority. The downward spiral just continues, all because our goal of winning was blocked.
This same downward spiral applies to the other scenarios that I mentioned above. It could be frustration over not ‘getting results’ as quickly as we want so that we can look a certain way, so that we can be wanted or noticed, so we can be popular, or whatever. It could be endless disappointment because we just want to stop doing drugs, or drinking, or looking at pornography, or cheating on my spouse, or beating my wife, or beating my kids, or just being so angry that it has taken control of my life. Whether we admit it or not, none of us want to live with any of those things. We all want to live ‘right’. We’ve just become so addicted that we can find a way out. It could be feelings of failure because nobody is ‘getting saved’ in our ministry. We have told people about God and how to ‘get saved’ but no one seems to be responding. What am I doing wrong?
All of the end results are good things for us to want. However, when we make winning, or our appearance, or simply not doing the thing I’m addicted to, or “getting people saved” our GOAL, we will inevitably begin our journey down the road of frustration, anger, disappointment, and unreached goals. So, what is a good goal? How do we set right goals? Let’s think of it this way; if I lose weight to be skinny, or get surgery to be beautiful, or act selfishly to be successful…if those are my goals, I may reach them but at what cost? I may be skinny but not healthy. I may be beautiful but not satisfied. I may be successful but not loved. Plus, if those are my goals and I don’t reach them, I may become frustrated, angry, and disappointed to the point where I think I need to go further down the wrong path to achieve these goals. But…if my goal was to be healthier, I may start to eat right and exercise, thus causing me to lose weight. If I’m not “skinny” by the world’s standard, that’s ok because that wasn’t my goal. I’m healthier and I feel better about myself. If my goal was to figure out why I have a self-esteem issue and deal with the fact that God loves me and has created me in His image, I will begin to view myself differently and not be so concerned with what the world tells me I need to look like. There is no amount of surgery that can give you that. If my goal is to do my best and to make others better in the process, then there is no frustration if someone I works with gets a promotion and I don’t because that was not my goal. It was my desire, but not my goal. Success is not measured by the title you have or how much money you make or how famous you are. Success is measured along the way. If you have done your very best and have also caused others to become better, you are successful. Ironically, that kind of success will endure forever…longer than any success measured by the world’s standard.
Here are 10 principles that can apply to life but are directed to coaches. As a coach, our goals should be:
- To help our players discover their ability.
- To help our players refine their ability.
- To help our players compete with all of their ability, so as to not dishonor the One who gave them their ability.
- To help our players understand how to play hard…not dirty…in an attempt to win.
- To help our players understand how to win in such a way that draws people closer to Christ.
- To help our players understand how to lose, when they lose, in such a way that draws people closer to Christ.
- To help our players become better people.
- To help our players understand that there is no such thing as failures…just educations.
- To help our players lead other players to be better athletes as well as better people.
- To walk away from coaching knowing that I have challenged people to grow into the people God has intended them to be.
My challenge to anyone reading this is to dig deep inside yourself and identify if you have made a ‘good’ desire a ‘bad’ goal. For many of us it will take a lot of courage to go to that place because it is very deep and dark. There is a lot of “crap” that we would rather not sift through. I promise you this though (I can make this promise because I have been there and done this)…if you do, you will begin a refining process that will change your life forever.
